She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
