we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
