can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
