i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
