I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
