i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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