i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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