No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
