I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize