i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
