Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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