Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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