why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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