Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
