So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
