It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
