Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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