Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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