I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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