Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do cheetos always look like penises
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
