My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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