i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
