I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
