his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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