if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
