I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
