True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
