You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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