my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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