Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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