we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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