If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
