rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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