Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
