No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
