the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
