I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I puked a lego.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
