PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
