he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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