good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
