So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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