dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't turn off my feet"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
