Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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