I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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