I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
