trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
