i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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