Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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