i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't make out with my wife yet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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