I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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