i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
