Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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