Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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