After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
