I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
