I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
