I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
