A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
