just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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