she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
