I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
