Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
