i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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