listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
