never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
