the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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