I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
