Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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