He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize