I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
