why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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