why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
