Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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