It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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